Gurn . . . you're on telly
THERE’S something about a television camera that makes some people go very odd.
The very sight of one makes normally-sensible folk gurn. They stand in the background and wave. If we’re on a road, they beep their horns. In fact, car after car, lorry after lorry, beep their horns.
They probably think it’s original and oh-so witty. It isn’t!
These people do everything they can to make my life a misery.
How would they like it if I jolted their arm as they were driving, or unplugged their computer as they worked? It amounts to much the same thing for me.
People want fame – even if all that fame adds up to is a tantalisingly brief moment on Channel M News.
But the truth is that they will not get their face or car horn on camera. Every time someone does it we have to re-shoot.
All they do is irritate.
It’s an occupational hazard, I suppose. And many people have worse woes in their lives than the petty one my colleagues and I face.
So, sometimes I try to make light of it and turn a negative into a positive. On the principle that volunteers are better than recruits, I invite the irritants to speak on camera about the news story – we like to hear the public’s opinions.
But, nine times out of ten, when asked a question, they have nothing to say. I suppose that’s a by-product of being stupid. Some – after pulling faces in the background – even say they’re too shy to appear on television.
Children are a particular problem. They swarm around a television camera like flies around
We have a policy of not interviewing children under 16 without permission from parents or – where applicable – teachers. So I cannot interview them for fear of parents complaining to my boss.
In these benighted times, clips around the ears and kicks up the bottom are frowned upon.
So what can I do?
The other day I was filming outside my own house. And some of the neighbourhood children came up, pestering us.
But one asked for my autograph. I’d never heard anything so ridiculous. They lived a few doors from me and could see me almost any day.
I signed something for him. And they all behaved impeccably afterwards.